Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
