She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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