some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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