u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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