My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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