4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
