I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
