I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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