Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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