We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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