He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize