how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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