how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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