Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
