Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
