you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this boner is exhausting
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
