I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's always time for handjobs
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
