My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
