I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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