And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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