New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
