her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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