a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
