don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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