Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
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Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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