well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
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oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize