Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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