i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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