I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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