I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
