Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
