i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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