I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
