No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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