If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
