Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
