Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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