Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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