4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
