Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
