Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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