so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
