He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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