It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
