Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
