Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
