Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
