look no pants
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
