i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
