There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
