Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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