yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
