Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
