I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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