have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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