the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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