My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
