Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
