my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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