billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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