...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
