he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
